This girl loves…living.

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“When daffodils begin to peer, with heigh, the doxy over the dale, why, then comes in the sweet o’ the year; for the red blood reigns in the winter’s pale” William Shakespeare’s The Winter’s Tale

This week was a busy one and when I had some time to reflect I thought about living.  I thought about all of the living I have been doing for the past four months.

It is amazing to think that my soul had lain dormant for close to ten years-since I set foot in this new and unfamiliar place.  For ten years I cursed the place I lived, blaming it for all of my unhappiness.  But four months ago, as in Spring, my cold soul was awakened and I was ready for a new outlook on life.

For the past four months I have thought only of today.  Yes, of course I’ve made plans for the future, but the immediate future, as in tickets to a concert or a show a month or two in advance.

I feel the need to clarify that until four months ago I planned for a life I would lead a year, five years, ten years from now.  When I finally realized that prolonging my happiness for when I was in a better living situation, a better social situation, or a better financial situation was hazardous to my mental health; after this realization is when I did start to have a better living situation, a better social situation, and a better financial situation.

You see, four months ago my plans for happiness were uprooted because a partner I thought would be there for the rest of my life, left me.  With this departure, my plans for a new career and social life departed as well.  I realized that it was no longer the place that made your heart soar, nor the place that made your heart ache.  It was me that did that.  I realized that I now held that power in my hand and I was tired of not utilizing it for my own well-being.

With this new found power, I started to forge new friendships, understanding that they would take time to develop into the friendships I had already established.  I looked at my surroundings and decided that it was time to start exploring this untapped resource right in my backyard.  Since then I have patronized local eateries, art galleries, ballets, concerts, and more…  I feel as though I am able to give back to the world I inhabit.  In seeking my path to happiness, I feel I have helped others whether it has been through my generosity or simply my live-for-today attitude.  With each new experience I do just that, I experience it to the fullest extent.  Some experiences have  proved better than others, but I understand that it what living is: adding to my emotional toolbox.

Since this realization, I feel better  inside.  I sleep better at night.  I work harder at my job during the day.  I laugh more often with my friends.  I love more deeply and profoundly.  I have learned how to truly appreciate the life I am currently leading and not look ahead toward a life I will lead.

The clarity of mind this realization has provided me is food for my soul and I am finally hungry.

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